Quicksand

I have been trying to write this post for a few days now. Zach has had a fever on and off the last few days, a cough and a toothache. He has been home a few days from school and I have been working as well. So not much time for writing
Last Wednesday when I dropped Zach off at his dads ( lets call him dim, those are his initials ) I asked him if he could try to explain to Zach that I am not his girlfriend.
You see the other day when Zach was talking about S and C I said Zach maybe S is your dads girlfriend. Zach got very upset and insisted that I was, Dim moved out when Zach wasn't even two and a half. I don't think Zach even remembers his dad living with us, but still he thinks I am his dads girlfriend.
I said Zach was talking about S and C. Well Zach had meet them a few times in the six months that he was seeing S and last Saturday night was a sleep over. Zach was being himself, he can't be anyone but himself. No meltdowns or upsets, but S couldn't handle Zach . So it had ended, Dim was angry, S hadn't even seen Zach at his worst. Zach is a pretty easy going child and gets along with most people.
I feel sorry for Dim, he is now really starting to appreciate Zach for who he is and is realising what he is missing out on. But he can't expect every one to just accept Zach as is, unfortunately it's human nature to be unaccepting. The right woman will come along and be a great stepmum, but it wasn't S.
A quote from Marilyn Monroe "if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best" when Zach has a meltdown and goes into hysterics you have to be able to handle it somehow, but he is so thoughtful, caring and affectionate and fun and some days so articulate and comes out with stuff so profound. So if a person who is dating either his mum or his dad can't even handle him on an average day let alone at his worst then they aren't the one. I know I can't control who Dim goes out with or who could be Zach's possible stepmother, but I hope Dim chooses a woman of substance.
The whole dating thing scares me, I do want a relationship. Not just anyone. I wont go into what i want. But when it comes to Zach, someone who won't ask "why is is doing that" when Zach get so excited he starts his hand flapping, but will say "Zach clap your hands" and will clap their hands along with Zach and not be awkward about it. That's the sort of person who I could be with.
I worry how Zach would react to me seeing someone. He is still convinced that I am his dads girlfriend, I have tried to tell him otherwise. Some people have asked if I would ever go back there. Our lives have taken different paths, where the paths separated there is now a huge quicksand bog, I know if you lie on your back you can float on quicksand. I know just trying to float in a relationship and not sink into quicksand is not for me. I want to be me, I like being me. And I want someone who likes me too.

Zach's dad and someone

Last night Zach's and I were talking about the school holidays. He talked about visiting C. I didn't know who he was talking about. I asked if he visited with his nanna and pa or with his dad. With his dad, of course I'm wondering which of his friends has a little boy named C. So I ask does C have a mum or dad. A mum, her name S. then it clicked, Zach's dad has a girlfriend. and she has a boy younger than Zach. I'm assuming it's serious, you wouldn't introduce your children to each other unless it was. So Zach, was S nice to you? Yes. Good.
Me getting a little jealous here, I don't want some woman trying to steal my sons affections away from me, but also she'd better be good to him and try to understand that there is more to Zach than what you see. Look deeper to see what an amazing boy he is.
I do hope that it is serious and that his father is not foolish enough to introduce Zach to every woman that he dates. Time will tell.

school holidays week 3

I'm sitting in bed, having a glass of wine, Zach is asleep. In the morning, we will go to Auskick, the first for this term, his dad will meet us there. I will go to the city and meet friends at the gallery, go to work that night, sleep all Sunday day. Zach will hang out with his dad and hopefully go to the footy on Sunday and use the free tickets that I got for them. Zach will come home Sunday night and Monday morning we will get up early for the first day of term 3.
We had an extra week of school holidays, the state schools had only two weeks. Yet I didn't do everything with Zach that I planned to do. The Zoo, the art gallery . . .
I also planned to organise the sewing room, do some painting, sort through toys . . .
We did go to Bendigo. We did the gold mine, the wool mills, the Chinese museum, the Chinese gardens, the tram depot tour, tram rides, had hot chocolate.
We love Bendigo, we love the drive up to Bendigo. On the way there I always look out for the four chimneys of a house that long gone.

I always slow down so we can have a look at the polka dot house

and on the way home we look out for the 36 mailboxes all in a row

Bendigo has trams and a wool mill. Zach loves trams, I love wool.
We stayed overnight and I got us the Bendigo experiance ticket, includes gold mine tour, Chinese museum and garden, Bendigo pottery tour and unlimited travel on the tram, super great value!
We didn't have time for the pottery, but ticket is valid for three months and we will be back.

lunch at the Rose Cafe in Kilmore

at the goldmine

then we had a tour of the tram depot

In the garden at the Chinese museum

yes Zach is trying to catch the fish

hot chocolate and minecraft cake

the bats in the park

Whoops, thought that I had uploaded photos, now they are here : )

School Holidays

Last week Tuesday Zach got to visit his Nanna and Pa. They live in the Latrobe Valley, near where the earthquake was a few weeks ago. I packed his bag, we bought some apples and his milk and drove to their house. Their house is spotless and they have many breakables, but thankfully they are all in cabinets behind glass doors. They are stickelers for routine, so I knew he would get his multivitimens and omega 3 every morning with breakfast and his melatonin drops everynight at six pm.
He stayed five nights, I rang him everynight to see how he was going.
He was fine.
We had fantastic conversations, he told me all about the coalmine that they had visited, and all about the snow that they went to and all about the poodle puppy that Nanna and Pa have. He conversed! and he likes kiwifruit! He also said 'grace' at every meal and they were like 'oh, ok' and just went along with that.
Saturday, a friend had a book sale, she was decluttereing and selling over 400 books, so I arrived early after eating out for breafast to have a coffee and see what treasures could be found. I leant over the first lot of books, rummaged, stood up, ow, ow, ow! my back! anti-inflamitries, painkillers and amazing oil? drops? from my friends natropath.
I stayed most of the day, sitting up very straight and did find many treasures, some for me and many for Zach. We love books!
Monday morning I picked up Zach from his dad's house, we visited friends in the morning and friends in the afternoon, we were invited to have diiner with our friends at the local pub. I love not having the think about cooking sometimes. Zach had the fish and chips kids meal and I had roasted lamb shanks with mashed potato, roasted root vegetables with the best gravy, oh so delish! accompanied of couse by a lovely glass of red.
Enjoying these holidays very much and because Zach's school has three weeks for their midyear break, more fun stuff next week!
Time now for a yum coffee under the trees outside I think
x♥x♥

Pumpkin soup

I'm making pumpkin soup, but if you saw it, you would think I was making vegetable soup. But once it it puréed Zach will never know it has vegetables other than pumpkin in it.
Onion, parsnip, carrots, pumpkin, potato and cauliflower, all in there today. And Zach doesn't know. I love all those vegies roasted with a roast lamb or beef and rich gravy, but it wouldn't get touched by Zach. A stir fry would be wonderful too, but I'd be eating alone, so pumpkin soup it is. The menu for dinner here is not that varied, pumpkin soup, pasta bolognese, homemade pizza, I make them every week and I hide vegies in the pasta sauce too.
Last week Zach and I went to the squiggly rainbow house for dinner and we stayed over night. My friend cooked a roast and I loved it! She thought she would cook something that I wouldn't cook for myself. The last time I had a roast was at Christmas, Zach ended up having cereal for dinner and that's ok.
Tomorrow Zach is going to his Nanna and Pa's house for a few days. I have in my freezer some chicken and sweet corn soup, a friend from work cooked it for me, looking forward to having that tomorrow night.
Yesterday we went on a day trip to Ballarat. It was organised through work, we had to get up pretty early and drive to the city and then catch the coach with all the others from the social club. I packed some apples, musli bars, some bread rolls. Made sure I had some books for Zach to read on the bus and knitting for me.
First up was the wild life park, we got to feed kangaroos and pet a koala and a wombat. Zach liked that.

Next was Sovereign Hill, Zach knew it was a gold mine town and was convinced it was a mine craft town, was worried about him being very disappointed. We checked out all the old shops and did a bit of panning for gold, didn't find any.
Then we did the mine tour and Zach was happy, it was mine crafty enough for him.

We went to the old bowling alley and had a go at bowling, I wanted to have a go at making candles, but Zach for some reason hated the idea.
We went to the gold museum across the road and Zach liked the displays where you could turn on the lights to see the gold in the case, so he was going around pushing all the buttons. Interactive is Zach's style for sure!
On the way home, the bus driver played the movie 'Babe' I like that movie
School Holidays are fun!
Good Night x♥x♥